“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”
It’s you, that’s who.
But do you really believe that? As you stare in this mirror of everyday occurrences within your existence, do you believe?
Do you believe that you are the most beautiful and resilient one in your world? Do you have confidence that you are your most imaginative and productive self; able to create a worthy reality while being at peace with the past and simultaneously looking forward to the future? Do you believe it?
You really should.
Some say “seeing is believing,” however I think we must first believe before we will ever truly begin to see any idea manifest into reality. So again, do you believe in YOU?
When it comes to MY world, I daily must stare at my own everchanging reflection with the objectivity that I am the “fairest one” of them all. I care for myself. I honor the existence and relevance of my own dreams, feelings, moods, and thoughts. I find myself beautiful and intoxicating in every way. However, I didn’t always see this vision. I’ve had many mirrors in my life, and many visions of myself to reflect upon — with some being pleasing and some not. Even now, it’s a constant adjustment and readjustment process for me, and I’m sure it may be for you too.
In my past, I spent many years as the most elegant people pleaser — smiling through a bunch of shit for someone else’s benefit and joy. I’ve stayed too long, given extremely too much, and said “no” way fewer times than I should have. I’ve ended days very much visibly unhappy while everyone else smiled around me, and pretended not to notice. I’ve shrunken myself, and even disappeared at times; just so someone else could illuminate.
But I grew tired of that vision and couldn’t continue to live like that — and you shouldn’t either. Therefore I’ve shattered quite a few mirrors over the years… and even though I have gotten cut a few times, it doesn’t matter then or now— because that newer vision of myself is always worth it. It is more beautiful. It is more attractive in every way that matters. It is a new, more resilient me.
From Hella “Yeses” to “Hell No’.”
But what causes one to shatter a mirror? If mirrors are to project reflections, know that reflections are to project truths. And when those truths start looking hazy, what’s the use in that already broken mirror anyway?
Break it before it breaks you. Ouch.
For me, it all eventually got too heavy as those disingenuous yeses I kept giving (and not out of lack of care but actually out of trying to care) prompted me for disaster after disaster. Quite possibly it could have been due to my inner resistance, as I often had some underlying disagreeance or natural objection to the situation at hand; yet oftentimes I feel the cause of the situation’s end disaster to have been simply just because people like this, people who need to be pleased — will continuously and knowingly take from you — even when you have nothing left; and will still somehow have the audacity to say they are unhappy and unpleased. They will complain and say it wasn’t perfect or good enough, even when you’ve literally given your absolute all. With this, I learned the deepened fact that it was truly them who wasn’t good enough…because essentially they were in need of me and what I had to give.
The reflection of that existence is, however, exhausting. It's crying silently in the car or the shower. It’s lonely. It’s powerless. It’s worrying endlessly about all the ways you could have changed the outcome. It’s neverending scenarios of being less than. It’s being run over, both intentionally and unintentionally, and left for dead.
Break that mirror. Destroy that reflection before you can’t see who you are anymore. Take the time, have a really good look, and see YOU.
I read tarot, and I have for many years now.
As a tarot reader and deck creator, at least half of all the readings I perform have always pertained to some sort of relationship. Everyone wants to know how to feel when it comes to a husband, wife, mother, father, child, friend, coworker, neighbor, etc…the ways of relation can range from simple to absolutely bizarre.
I do my best to help anyone with a real need — because I know it’s no fun sitting up at night waiting for another, wondering about another, or worrying about the future with another. I KNOW how that feels all too well.
“Is he/she cheating?”
“Why is my child so rebellious?”
“Why can’t we get along?”
“How do they feel about me?”
These questions are so very common. As much as we’d like to believe so, to justify our questionable actions and behaviors, I can’t help but wonder if combativeness really is apart of spiritual nature or human-learned nature? (And before you say combativeness is primitive, it is not. Competitive survival is primitive, and actually even upholds the concept of honor; just as a sick animal's mother may kill the sick cub herself before she would neglectfully leave it behind to be defenseless prey for another animal.) It seems to me as if people really do want to get along — at least with those close to them... and if they didn’t, would they really be asking these types of questions? I don’t believe so, therefore I think that naturally humans are programmed to love, from the purity of their spirit, those that they find to have a pleasing frequency. So with that, accept that you can’t please everyone — it’s impossible because clearly we all do not and cannot vibrate on the same frequency, but you can please YOU (and probably better than anyone else).
To love another, but also to love ourselves; that is the goal. We all want to feel connected. We want to feel aligned — and understood. Then again, we also want to feel stood with. In a world with billions of people, we’re all just looking for our own personal tribes, and there’s no shame in that.
However, one can’t love another without first loving themselves.
It’s impossible. You could never fully love or care until you know what it takes to be loved and/or cared for. Saying it now, it sounds a bit like the classic “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Perhaps it’s an argument to be had, but we’re all in agreeance one can’t exist without the other.
So with that being said, I then often wonder if the tarot readings would be more productive at times if the question was focused more on the visions of the person asking versus that of the visions of themselves attached to another.
A Change in Perspective
So what if those questions changed?
What if instead of “Why can’t we get along?” one asked, “How could I contribute to us getting along better?”
This simple rephrase is monumental. Every situation is a reflection of us in one way or another, and to adjust any reflection; one must adjust the perspective or view in which said reflection is seen. (So basically movement…something or someone has to move or change; as things cannot stay the same to produce the best situation for those involved.)
By asking “how can I contribute to us getting along better”, this indicates to the Universe that you see that the situation is not in a desirable state and that you are not completely focused on blame (which in hindsight is often highly unproductive — because spending wasted time dissecting the “why” does have the potential to often leave us even angrier and still without answers or solutions), however, now you are also simultaneously telling the Universe that you want and see that the situation CAN improve in some way; even if it has to completely by your own hand (and let’s not forget that sometimes to leave a situation and have no view is often the best view one can have…). It is here you must acknowledge that the perspective of another will never be up to you — or quite honestly even be able to be seen by you. So look through your own eyes, for that you can control.
And this brings us back to loving, honoring, and seeing ourselves.
Now Take a Look at Your Reflection…Forreal.
To effectively see the best for ourselves and those in the world around us, we must have an accurate and effective view of ourselves. We must have an honest, all angles seen, view at all versions of us— who we were, who we are, and who we have the potential to become.
Did you notice that people-pleasing and the consideration of what others impose and think are not apart of this list? To effectively be able to connect with someone else, meaning those people you really want to give and be with, you have to be able to align with them or their cause. But how can one align with another’s needs and desires if one is unaware or neglectful of their own needs and desires?
When you think of it like that, it seems to make sense that we all get really clear on our own visions of self. In that honest reflection, you honor the things that you find pleasing and reject things you find displeasing. However, you also must allow others to do the same with the same level of authentic fortitude. Respect your vision. Respect their visions. Align where necessary, and reject all else with grace.
And this is how mutually beneficial and meaningful connections are built with others and yourself.
And THAT Is How I Make Divination Decks!
As I try to see the best vision of myself, I hope you also see the best vision of you.
Provide a space for the past to embrace you; yet uplift your future with conviction. Allow your lessons to encase you, to protect and shield you — as you both shatter and shine. Marvel in the wondrous and ever-changing vision — of YOU.
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