Disclaimer: So over the last few months, I have been actively enduring some really heavy things in my path. My chaotically, lesson-filled existence is often where I draw the messages I share with you all...from "life to literature". lol So as I continue to process all of the events and circumstances unique to me, I really hope I can help you all process what's happening uniquely to you.
All is connected. All is YOU.
Tis not always love and light. Even with our best intentions we can still lose our balance and fall victim to moments of discord and chaos. When we fall into times of stagnancy, unsurety, and fear; know those are moments of "the pause in between," or the midspace known as Temperance.
Conditions. Miscommunications. Judgements. Disappointments. Manipulations. Accusations. Illusions. Cornering. Blaming. Feeling. Expecting. Using. Watching. Waiting.
It can all be too much.
So first, let's take a listen...
This is one of my favorite tracks, on one of my favorite albums; and it is indeed not a song at all; but truly just an ultra-transparent poem that speaks loudly for every molecule of my being.
Every word. Every sentence. Every time.
Sometimes we have to find ways to be gentle and empathetic with ourselves, even when the rest of the world is not. The God in you (and me) requires it. Just as much as we yearn for understanding and connection, we often have to sit silently with the effects of such...and oftentimes, those emotions and resulting actions are simply not pleasant and result in us feeling like we were never ever really seen, loved, felt, or experienced.
But there is no shame in being consumed in the experience of being YOU. Strengths. Weaknesses. Beauties. Flaws. Actions. Inactions. Pleasures. Phobias. Preferences. and Peeves...all YOU.
Take your unapologetic breathe.
For Those Battling in the Arena
One of the last cards we discussed from the upcoming Clear Vision deck (end of August Blog) was THE ARENA.
Your heart may race as you face the crowd. You're no longer protected by the comfort of the shadows. Some of the crowd's onlookers are cheering...and some are anticipating and supporting your possible defeat. BUT... are they really what's important? Seems to me that the pressing priority should be those hidden obstacles creeping out from the shadows... the obstacles ACTUALLY standing between you and victory; the ones in which you are so very prepared to slay.
Tis very easy for those in the stands to judge you (especially easy when they've never had the courage nor strength to even enter said Arena), as technically, that IS what they are here for...for their ENJOYMENT...their ENTERTAINMENT...and many just for their own ESCAPE.
But why are YOU here? Strong enough in mind and power, YOU are the one whom entered the brightly lit Arena. You are the one whom could fail, however you are the one whom also could be magnificently victorious. So stand in your truth. Strike with your strength...for they are watching you, and you dare not be the one watching them!
The stands. They're sooo far. So far, that in fact, the faces are unrecognizable. Ironically, they too can barely see you; yet they shout their judgements loud and clear. In this moment, with the sun in your eyes, you may not be sure who is cheering for or against you, however you must allow even the energy of chaos to fuel you. For in this Arena...only YOUR actions and agility shall count.
Tis a battle!!! And even with a victory ahead, there shall be injury along the way. There shall be pain. There shall be naysayers. There shall be those whom are displeased with your performance. There shall be those whom say they could have done it better. But did they?
I once heard, "If if(s) and but(s) were presents, oh what a Christmas we would have!"
Know their reason for why they didn't shall never outweigh your reasons for why you did.
Everything has a cost.
But the VICTORY to be gained shall be well worth every pain. Do you know what you are fighting for? As we are all fighting for something different, I encourage you to keep focus on why you stepped into this Arena to begin with. Are you willing to step out of this Arena without it in your possession...or are you even willing to not step out at all? With the reality of those options, of a win-lose-or death, seems silly to oblige the crowd, eh?
"The Hurricane of Life That Is"
One of my dearest friends called me the other day and said, "Sis! I haven't heard from you in over a month, are you ok?" I said, "Yea girl, I'm just swirling through my life, in the hurricane that is." And to no surprise, she then said, "Girl, me too."
Remember, ALL IS CONNECTED, ALL IS YOU.
So it's no surprise that most of our lives seem to be in a real swirl-ish time right now, in one way or another. Thought you were prepared for this? Nope. But don't feel bad, I really wasn't as prepared as I thought either.
Once I was told that I would never become as effective as I could be within this lifetime until I experienced all the deepest hurts of this world. Quite possibly I may be getting close to completing that list.
Who heals the healer, one might ask. I sat with this question recently, along with some of the most heavy emotional pains I've ever experienced in this lifetime. What kind of pain...let's just say, it was the kind that debilitates you from helplessness; makes it's way into physical manifestation, and quite honestly can make you generally unavailable for reality. Twas more than a TOWER burning, but literally a city disintegrating to ash before my very own eyes...and all I could do was watch with a close up view and heat on my skin.
But quite honestly, the life experience is like this sometimes. Sometimes life is just simply hard. Sometimes fairness and what we may consider to be "just" isn't what we get...sometimes we may just feel we got "dealt a bad hand."
But did we? Know a single hand doesn't make the game, and this may not necessarily be the hand that causes one to lose. One just must keep going, keep playing, and not fold.
Not always easy, but necessary if one wishes to "win."
"In an unexpected hour, the Fool experienced the Tower..."
I usually would say "Burn baby, burn!" with an enthusiasm like no other. But NOT this time. One of my more recent experiences has shown me an entirely new aspect of the Tower: the moment when a neighboring Tower's fire rages in the wind and catches your own Tower on fire. Suddenly, you are no longer a spectator. You are now in your own full on panic; doing all you can and giving all you have to not only put out one fire, but two.
Imagine standing desperately trying to throw water on a fire, and midair that same water instantly evaporates into steam because the fire is actually burning just that hot. It's exhausting, overwhelming, and disheartening.
But is it though?
Or is it honestly just us doing it to ourselves by trying to save a Tower meant to burn to the ground. As much as we're told "The Universe loves a stubborn heart," know that is not always the case. The Universe, however, WILL allow you to wear yourself out trying to stop destiny (or when trying to falsely create it)....so as painful as it was (and still is) to watch, sometimes all you, and I, can do is stand there and let it happen with the understanding that it will eventually be for the greatest good of all those involved.
And then, when everything is obliterated, and one's tears finally touch ground zero, remember no one said a better and more stable Tower wasn't already being formed from the ashes.
By use of faith and fluidity, we must welcome in the energy of the regeneration. Transformation is afoot. So can you surrender to the death and rebirth already in progress? Key words...ALREADY IN PROGRESS...so it looks like destiny has nudged us along. Well, maybe not a nudge but more of a solid shove...anyways, how are you about to land?
Did you know that tenseness during impact is at times the cause of deeper injuries? So ultimately, sometimes we must just surrender to the fall and trust that the Universe will catch us; easier said than done I know; but we must believe we can survive; and should we get hurt in the process, we must believe ourselves to be strong enough to effectively heal.
So as you mourn what "was" alongside the visuals of the pains of an evident transformation in progress, consider this may be a time where you just must have patient empathy with what is. What will be, will be. And all will be well again soon enough.
Maybe even better. :)
I've got a little (a lot) more to say, but we'll have that conversation another day...soon... :)
If you've been having a really hard time, I send you positivity and strength; and I really hope you found some confirmations and support in this blog. Beauty is on the other side of this battle, so stay a warrior.
Feel free to comment or share.
*Enjoyed the sonnets from the pages in The Fool's Journey and the 56 Movements of Minor Exploration? FREE SHIPPING on this luxe, hard back book ends October 31st, snag a piece of history in the making now!!! (hint, hint)