Understand this has been a very long journey, that I'm still on, and that it was not always "love and light." (And still isn't.) In fact, from the moment I decided I was "woke," that was the precise moment when the darkness really started to set in. All those green numbers floating around in the matrix must be keeping it brightly lit, because this "woke life" can be dark if you don't know how to be your own light. The darkness I'm referring to isn't physical, but the kind that forces the core of who you thought you were to quiver into the discomfort necessary to push you into becoming the next version of you, a better version of you; the awakened version of you. But nothing worth having is easy to come by, and subsequently you'll find that that includes ascension as well as spiritual freedom and personal peace.
In deciding you're done with the matrix, you're going to have bust a few theories of mainstream society, which may include:
- the release of the oppressive controls of organized religion
- the relinquishment of the preprogramming of inferiority to the white race
- truly understanding the genetic makeup and needs of your melanated self and readjusting your lifestyle accordingly
- accepting the government is not really trying to help us
- destroying your negative relationship with money and finances
The list goes on. Truth is, we have been so powerfully, yet poorly, programmed by society that, in theory, you could say we have Stockholm's Syndrome and most of us could benefit from some form of professional psycho therapy. But because a lot of black people tend to either overlook mental issues and illnesses or just simply don't trust the idea of a therapist, we tend to go at it on our own; unraveling the nasty bandages to unveil the ugly wounds in hopes we can actually heal. However, you have to understand this journey is not painless. It is not all about yoga, tea, spells, and manifesting cash. It is about getting better and being better. It is about understanding and truth, and the truth can hurt. It can hurt A LOT. But hey, no pain no gain; right?
Jhene Aiko explained it better than I'd ever heard it explained before in her song Jukai when she sings,
"...Hell is not a place, Hell is not a certain evil, Hell is other people...or their lack thereof, or their lack of love..."
That concept right there is so spot on. Because when you start growing, you also start outgrowing. You outgrow people and toxic relationships. You outgrow places and situations. You ultimately outgrow who you were, to usher in space to be who you are. So with growth, there must be shedding. And with shedding, unfortunately there may be some unforeseen pain associated.
You remember when you lost a jealous friend and someone told you that it was "lonely at the top?" Well, this is probably going to be one of those moments. You're going to lose some friends and family that won't understand nor agree with your new outlook on your existence and what it takes to stay true to that. Coming from a traditionally southern, black Christian family, for me, it has been no easy battle renouncing the ways of the church. However that has been no fault of my own. Ya girl been ready! I can count on one hand how many times I've attended church as an adult, as I guess I'm still all churched out from my childhood; coupled with the fact I never really connected with Jesus, and most importantly magnified with the fact that I grew tired of waiting to be "saved;" it just wasn't for me. Now, at the same time, because I'm not an intrusive soul; I don't run around killing people's dreams of Christianity and Jesus. I feel like if that honestly helps you be a better individual, go for it. It's not my business and I have no desire to force you into understanding my understanding. I personally refuse to infringe on anyone's free will, however I have not been so lucky with receiving that same courtesy from my Christian counterparts.
I'm talking about lectures, arguments, screaming matches, tears, anger, and the countless times I've been called "occult" and told I was going to end up going to Hell. And, even though I appreciated their concern for the future of my soul, I wish they realized that damning my present existence is absolutely counterproductive. In fact, it was the very Hell they spoke of; they were Hell. So I had to be alone. The solitude was necessary, and in that, my growth could commence.
Now lets surpass the idea of separation and dive into actually being alone. How comfortable are you with you? And I do mean ALL of you, in your rawest form. Seems easy, until you really have to be alone...but you're not alone sis. Your shadow side is there.
That's right girl. The ugly version of you will keep you company. The version that will cause you to feel all those negative feelings, but you'll find that if you step back and see for the greater good (just began the artwork for the Hanged Man card...I told y'all my evolution is parallel to this tarot journey lol) you will see it is not actually necessarily that you must dis-spell the shadow side of you, but carefully reevaluate it in efforts to balance it with the light side. Light must pierce through the dark, and darkness must protect and conceal the light. Know there cannot be one without the other. So do the work, and wholeheartedly embrace every facet of you, at all times.
But now you can relax sis, just a little. Once you shake the dead weight, and strive for harmony and balance within yourself, only then can your light shine. You'll start to get a little groove about you...you'll start to be able to finally see the light side of the light. There will still be dark days, as the wheel ARE always turning. But its all about balance and grounding, and you will always come back... to both love and light.
Until next time!!!